Blog .:. April 2011 6 Entries

Sponsor an Embryo

29 April 2011 Comments

Ro wants to be pregnant. You can tell from the way she hussies up to everything that moves and some things that don’t when she comes into season.

The geldings are perplexed and would like someone to save them, pls thanks.

But I… am realistic about my budget.

Fortunately, a friend has helped me see a way around my budget issues, and so I introduce to you my brand new “Sponsor an Embryo” program.

Your charitable (in a non-501-c-3 way) donation will be used to grant Ro her hormone’s desire, save the poor perplexed geldings, and keep my cats and I off the street at the same time. Three awesome benefits for one low monthly donation!

But wait—there’s more!

Ro’s would-be Baby Daddy has been hand-picked to enhance her natural strengths while improving on her few, hardly-worth-mentioning flaws. In the interest of full disclosure, I’d like to point out that being chestnut is not a flaw, so sponsors may not complain when the foal pops out chestnut (and it will, oh yes). This carefully selected breeding will result in a red-headed stick of dynamite, also known as my future competition mount.

Your contribution to the Embryo Project will not only solve all our immediate problems and bring peace to our little corner of the world, it will also support the future of Dressage As I Know It.

But wait! There’s more!

We recognize that this economy is tough on everyone. Pennies are tight. Happiness is slim.

So this project has been specially designed to allow you to contribute at a rate that is comfortable for you, while boosting your happiness and, according to something we read on the interwebz somewhere, also lowering your cholesterol. We offer three sponsorship levels so you can balance your budget against your health and make the right choice for you:

Warm Fuzzy Feelings Level

For only $10/month, we will send you monthly fat-mare photos from conception to the birth of the foal. Share in the joys of a rapidly expanding belly and other udderly-fascinating photo ops. After the foal’s birth, we’ll send you weekly foal photos. Warm fuzzy cuteness!

Karma Builder Level

For only $25/month, we will send you weekly fat-mare photos and a monthly video so you can waddle along with us on this, our maiden journey. After the foal’s birth, you can discover a whole new world with us via weekly photos and monthly videos! Your good deeds will surely earn you karma points!

Salvation of a Nation Level

Are you itching to do good at a level that would credit small nations? For only $100/month, you will have access to weekly photos and videos before and after birth—you’ll be so overwhelmed in warm, fuzzy cuteness and karma points that you’ll be able to share the love freely, saving yourself and those around you from bleak despair.

And as if that weren’t enough—

Any sponsor who makes an additional one-time, $100 donation will buy earn the right to suggest a name for the foal.

An additional $500 donation will ensure your initials are added after the foal’s name, no matter what name is chosen. Just think—a lifetime of competition with your initials being called out over the loudspeaker each time I enter the ring! Or, you know, your enemy’s initials, if you are afraid I’ll bungle things. Whatever.

And, finally, for the discerning sponsor, a special additional $1,000 donation will give you all the benefits of the other one-time donations plus 24/7 access to an online foaling camera so you can watch and call me when she goes into labor so I can get my beauty rest and witness the miracle of birth.

Act now! The sooner you sign on as a sponsor, the sooner this can become a reality for all of us!

Tagged: Horses, Horses - Ro

In case you didn’t know horses are food-driven animals…

11 April 2011 Comments

Since I don’t have many pictures of Ro, I thought I would take some while she was out grazing this evening.

A good idea in theory, but as soon as she saw me coming, Ro lead the retreat:

Having retreated as far as they could, they paused to reconsider. That’s the Lady Who Sometimes Brings Treats, and she’s not carrying a halter. Maybe our retreat was a bit hasty…

Ro came close enough to find out if I did, in fact, have treats:

Reminded me that there was grass she could be eating, and time was wasting…

And then, when no treats were forthcoming, wandered away again.

I guess that puts me in my place.

Tagged: Horses, Horses - Ro

Do you *have* to be brave to event?

10 April 2011 Comments

While hacking around the property today, we came across a ditch.

I asked Ro to cross, and she wasn’t so into that. We tried a different location, and I felt like she was considering just jumping the thing.

Suddenly, instead of asking her to go forward, my body was telling her: Hey, go forward, but not, like, too forward. In fact, if you want to stop with your toes on the edge of the ditch, that’s cool. We can stand here and contemplate the alligators hiding in the ditch. We both know they’re there, so, you know, no need to rush here. Maybe staring into the ditch is enough for today. Want to go get a latte?

Then I realized that was silly, we went back to the original crossing point, and rode across like sensible people and ponies.

However, I get the feeling this doesn’t bode well for our future wanna-be-eventing career.

One of us should be brave, right?

Or is this something we can get over with more experience for both of us? I admit I’ve been an arena flower all my riding life, but the new barn boarders a great trail system—we can get out and about very easily and get experience for both of us. Maybe we can get brave together, as long as we don’t actually see alligators. Nah, we won’t run into alligators. Snakes, maybe.

Um… let’s not think about that. Let’s think about all the ditches we can find and cross. We shall build character. Lots and lots of character.

And maybe some bridges.

Tagged: Alligators, Horses, Horses - Ro, Riding, Riding - Eventing, Snakes

Danger Zone

9 April 2011 Comments

Let’s imagine I just wrote a post with so much whine in it that the international cheese market jumped in anticipation of the inevitable huge demand.

It was extravagant. The royal wedding can’t even begin to compare to the pity party thrown by my whine.

We are talking an epic that would have brought Homer to his knees in awe, if he could have seen it.

It was, in short, a whine that has reduced me to punning about Homer.

The problem is that I am so mentally and physically at the end of my rope, I can’t see how to fix it. And “it” has more facets to it than the Hope Diamond.

So I’m begging you: fix my life.

Just pick a problem—I’m probably dealing with it—and tell me how to fix it.

Because if you don’t, there are worse things in store than punning about Homer.

I’ll start translating Catullus again. The last time I did that, I ended up with a poem called “Look at Leslie’s Ruddy Rooster.” It wasn’t really about a rooster, if you know what I mean. I am nearly reduced to that again.

Help. Me.

Tagged: Bad Days & Bad Luck, Catullus, Homer - Greek Poet

Getting Back Into a Routine

8 April 2011 Comments

Ro is doing well.

The vet was back out Monday and we changed treatments; the shots we had been giving her to help with the allergies just weren’t doing anything. He wanted to go the drill-and-drain route, which we’ve talked about before, but we going to try one more thing first.

I moved her to the new barn Monday night. Since it has grass instead of dirt paddocks, it is much less dusty than the old barn. I want to see what a change of environment plus a strong course of antibiotics does—I’m hoping it’ll clear her up and keep her clear. If this doesn’t work, we can drill and drain.

Of course, that means I’m having to resist the temptation to put a paper bag over her head every time I take her out of her stall: Snotty horse? What snotty horse? I don’t see a snotty nose, do you? I did put a sign on her stall explaining that she has a sinus infection and it’s not contagious. Although I’ve gotten a look or two from other boarders, I haven’t seen a lynch mob yet.

She’s settling in better than I expected. While she’s pacing in her stall and calling out a lot, she is not trying to tear the barn down. I consider this progress. I put her right into work; I know some people give them a couple weeks go adjust, but I want her to learn she can go new places and cope with a new environment while she focuses on the job at hand. She is a lot more distracted here than she has been when going to my trainer’s, but I think that has to do with her buddies being on the property. She’s going to have to get over that; it’s likely we’ll take these guys to a show together, and they have to learn to deal with new environments, being near each other but separated, focusing on work, etc. We might as well use this opportunity to work on that.

All in all, I’m much happier today than I was on Friday, or even on Monday. The antibiotics are working, she’s settling in much better than I had hoped, and we’ll soon be back in a real routine. She is thrilled with the larger paddocks and the grass—so much so that she and her buddies didn’t want to be caught this morning. Never fear: I remembered the magic carrot sticks. They worked just as well this time as they did before.

Tagged: Horses - Ro, Injury & Illness

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