Blog

Ad Terminology

Aug 10, 2006

I’ve finally figured out the terminology in horse sales ads:

Bombproof! Our thirteen-year-old rides him everywhere!: Our thirteen-year-old has been riding since age two and wins classes against pro riders.
Bred to _____: Looks good on paper but lacks competitiveness.
Champion!: Six years ago, at a local show.
Color like you wouldn’t believe!: One white spot on belly. Added $5,000 to his price.
Could Excel In Anything: No idea where his talents lie.
Fancy Mover: So much chrome, you won’t notice he paddles.
Knows his job and loves to work.: As long as his job description reads “eat more hay.”
Loss of job/spouse/home forces sale. Would not part with him otherwise!: I will call you every night for updates.
Lots of Chrome!: One white coronet. Made you look!
Must sell as I have too many horses and cannot develop this one to his full potential.: He’s the worst in the barn and I have better prospects on which to focus.
No vices! Loads/clips like a dream—perfect for the farrier!: After sedation.
Perfect Junior/Amateur Horse!: A few quirks, nothing serious. You have a trainer, right?
Price Reduced: Turns out no one wants to pay an extra $5,000 for one white spot on his belly.
Price Will Increase With Training: I’m keeping track of every penny spent.
Will Take You To The Top: Of your local show circuit.

And my personal favorite:

This Year’s Champion in Everything! Wins Everything!: I just bought a horse that can beat this one with her eyes closed. See you in the show ring!