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It’s just as well
I couldn’t find the pattern to make a stuffed horse. Well, I did find some online, but I couldn’t be bothered to wait for it to get mailed to me. And the stores in town didn’t have one. Or, WallyWorld didn’t have one. I usually try to avoid WallyWorld, because the people inside it are always obnoxiously rude, but I thought a stuffed animal pattern would be right up its alley. Turns out: no. And I was too irritated by the people in WallyWorld to set foot in another store. So much for finding a horse pattern.
But I did discover Dammit Dolls online. Never heard of a Dammit Doll? I hadn’t either, but a UK website says they are a big deal in the US. Really? Has anyone told the US that? I don’t think we know.
Basically, they’re a stress toy. They come with a corny poem that tells you to hit them against something anytime you get mad. And to yell “Dammit Dammit Dammit.” You can google the poem if you want to; I can’t bear to repeat it. Besides, doesn’t “Dammit Dammit Dammit” strike you as a particularly unimaginative curse? The only thing is has going for it is iambic rhythm, but I’m not sure I’ve ever cursed in a rhythm. Do you think it improves the power of your curse if you do?
Having nothing better to do (or having lots better to do and no desire to do it), I made a Dammit Doll. Sans poem. So I guess I just made a doll I could smack around. Heh. Then I made two more. See:
The one in the middle was the first. It looks ok. I should have stopped there. But then I made the blue one, which had to get half its foot chopped off because one leg was longer than the other. And it’s hunchbacked. And it had more stuffing leaking out of it than my car does oil. I couldn’t figure out why it was such a disastor, so I made a third. The red one. Notice how the head is trying to imitate a hammerhead shark? I don’t know what happened.
I can vouch for the stress-relief quality, though. Both the blue and red ones got smacked against the sewing machine once I got a look at the finished product. I felt a lot better, actually.
I’m still not convinced that swearing in iambs is better than freestyle swearing, though.
It’s just as well I didn’t find a horse pattern. Can you imagine the disastor? I bet it would have had more curves than these things, and I obviously cannot sew curves. The horse would have looked like a broken-legged octopus.
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