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Million Dollar Questions
When I said I hate the cold and moved from the frozen wasteland down to hot & humid Houston, did I really mean it? If my choices are 100+ degree heat or 20 below cold… what kind of choices are those, anyway?
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Why are “they” allowed to say things like “the world gets out of the way for people who know where they are going”? Isn’t that false advertising? I have tested extensively, and I assure you: corners do not move. Chairs and tables do not move. Walls, doors, windows… it doesn’t matter how purposefully you walk; in fact, walking purposefully only makes the lesson more painful: they do not move.
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Has humanity really sunk to this?. “This” is a symptom checker on WebMD. It advises you to read the provided questions and “click on the “Yes” in front of the question for information about how soon to see a health professional.” First question? “Do you think you have broken your knee or pulled your kneecap out of place?”
Seriously? Seriously?!
Who does this? Whose process goes “I think I broke my knee… I wonder if I should see a doctor. I know—the interwebz will tell me.”
And why, for the love of french bread, does it take two questions before WebMD says “go see a doctor”? Try it yourself—click yes; you’ll get a second set of questions.
Now, before you point out that some people don’t know when to see the doctor, I realize that. My brother, in his infinite wisdom, just dislocated his ankle playing soccer, accidentally popped it in place on the way to the doctor, and then skipped the doctor to go fishing. His argument? “I was standing in a stream all day, which is like icing it.”
He felt my eye roll from thousands of miles away.
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Why didn’t my expensive paddock boots ever break in at the heel, thus causing me years of a hateful relationship with them, but I bought a pair of cheapo boots and my first ride was comfortable bliss? Really. My unbroken-in new boots are more comfortable than my old Ariats. Why can’t I have quality and comfort, both?
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Is it bad that my knee kind of clicks when I extend my leg and then hurts like hell? Should I go see a doctor? Should I be checking WebMD for that information? Wait, that’s what I was doing when I got sidetracked by the ludicrous “I think my knee is broken; what should I do?” question. My knee is not broken, by the way. It’s just… clicky. Would fishing in a glacier-fed stream help?
Would I have to move back to the frozen north to find a glacier-fed stream?
Was the frozen north really that bad? As bad as the oven they call the air outside my apartment?
This heat wave is frying my brain. I don’t think all the brochures mentioned brain frying. I’m sure I would have noticed.
I wonder what WebMD has to say about fried brains. Should I see a doctor for that?
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