Blog :: Random Rambles
November 2006
All your traction are belong to us
You have no chance to stay upright. Pad your bum.
Heh. Is it wrong that I still like to riff that particular ‘net fad? I can’t help it–I have a soft spot for it. That and the llama song. I like to sing the llama song while I walk the mares. Not so sure the mares like the llama song… but maybe it’s just my singing they object to.
At any rate: we have snow. And ice. And twenty degree temperatures.
Which means I had to go out and buy new boots. My tennis shoes didn’t have any traction on dry concrete, so I didn’t fancy trying to push the feed cart up the icy hill in them. Oh, ok. In the spirit of full disclosure: I pushed the feed cart up the icy hill in my tennis shoes on Monday and it was… not pretty. So now I have new boots. Never let it be said that I don’t learn from my mistakes.
I also had to buy new gloves, because my old ones disappeared. I loved those gloves. Years ago, my brother had seen me come home from the barn with three pairs of frozen wool and polar fleece gloves. (I have this habit of spilling water while I’m hauling it, you see, which soaks the gloves. Which would then freeze on my hands. Which was bad. Hence dragging several pairs back and forth to the barn.) My brother took pity on me and bought some very nice skiing gloves for me: no bulk, warmer than polar fleece, and water resistent. Plus, when I got them soaking wet, they wouldn’t freeze on my hands. I could keep working. A beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, as I said, they disappeared on me. So I went out and bought new ones. I felt all warm and fuzzy at the store. It’s rare that I really, really enjoy buying something, but I do love my skiing gloves.
(And because Murphey’s Law is what it is, I found my old gloves at the bottom of my tack locker tonight. But that’s ok: if one pair of skiing gloves are good, two pair are infinitely better.)
I just need to buy some silk long johns and a new hat and I’ll be set for the winter.
Are you ready? Because if it hasn’t hit you yet, it’s coming. [Insert dramatic Doom and Gloom music here.]
October 2006
Halloween Washout
The barn show was today, complete with costume contest.
I wasn’t there. Thanks to a bad bout of flu and it’s usual after-effects (usual for me, not for you), I’ve been out of commission since Tuesday. No costume making for me. I’d hoped to at least watch the show today, and made it out to the barn, before realizing I was not nearly as recovered as I’d hoped.
So here’s to tomorrow.
I just hope someone took pictures of the costume class.
Sponsor a Dressage Rider
Millions of horseless riders suffer every day because they don’t have access to imported warmbloods, brand-name show clothes, and blinged tack. But you can make a difference in the life of one unfortunate barn rat and through your generous sponsorship give her a chance to live the sort of life T.V. commercials say she’s entitled to have.
A Rider In Need
Halt Near X is a twenty-something woman living in the Frigid Northlands. Her day job gives her total flexibility over her hours, vacations, and time off–but it doesn’t provide enough money to buy an expensive imported sport horse or diamond-blinged spurs. She needs your assistance if she’s ever to become a true Dressage Queen.
How Your Donation Will Help Her
For a mere $1,000 a month, your sponsorship will set Halt Near X on the path to eventual DQ-dom, by providing for her most basic Queen Needs. These include:
A Suitable Mount
We know that while our sponsors are generous, they cannot generally afford to buy imported sporthorses for our underpriviledged riders. However, your sponsorship will help pair your sponsored rider with a safe, suitable mount–which comes complete with a complimentary blinged browband from the breeder!
Boarding
Safe, suitable boarding with plenty of turnout is of course essential to any horse’s well-being, and your sponsorship will help assure the continued health of the rider’s new mount by paying for a large stall at a top-notch facility.
Classical Training
Training is, of course, one of the most important (and time- and money-consuming) factors in becoming a DQ. Your monthly sponsorship will allow your rider to participate in an intensive training course. She will learn the art of distinguishing good champagne from cheap bubbly, the proper times of day to imbimbe various drinks, how to hold her horse’s reins, her appetizer, and her drink while wearing white gloves and not spilling anything, when to wear gold vs. silver jewelry, how much jewelry is appropriate for the show ring, how to tastefully bling tack, the proper angle at which she should hold her head when looking down at riders not fortunate enough to have their own sponsor, and much, much more!
What You Will Receive In Turn
Virtue is, of course, its own reward, but you will also get the honor of naming your rider’s new mount, selecting the paint color of the mount’s stall, and–if you upgrade to a Premium Sponsorship–of going on elite cruises with your sponsored rider to see for yourself how far along her DQ training is progressing.
What Deadline?
I am an expert procrastinator. You have no idea. My last thesis advisor, however–who never saw a draft of my thesis until I turned in the final copy–knows exactly how well I procrastinate. I don’t think my talent amused him, to tell the truth. But I did end up with a diploma, so he couldn’t have been too angry.
I’m currently procrastinating on my “real world” job, and I, at least, am amused. Here’s hoping you will be, too.
HorseShues
I have no idea what the blog’s about, actually. I haven’t gotten that far. Check out the ads for decorative horse shoes on the right-hand side of the page. And who would buy decorative horse shoes, you ask? (You don’t ask? Well, I did.) The site owner is happy to tell you:
“Baby Shues: New moms love keepsakes. They especially love keepsakes that are unique. Trust us, nobody else at the baby shower will be bringing a personalized horseshoe.”
“Teacher Shues: Your teacher does not want another coffee mug.”
Bwah! If I weren’t sweating my budget this month, I’d buy one. I’m such a sucker for funny promotional text.
Ask Lerlene
I bet Dear Abby would never respond like this: “Lerlene seldom gets serious inquiries but I figure that I know ten times more than all them full-time professionals. I often have horses spook because of my feather boa but I refuse to give up that all-so-important touch of femininity.”
I need some crafty help
Every once in a while, I get the urge to be crafty. Unfortunately, while I have good ideas sometimes, the execution can be… lacking. For example, my drawing abilities:
That’s a horse. Just in case it isn’t obvious.
But on to my problem: we have a barn show coming up. Which includes a costume class. Which would be a lot of fun, despite the fact that I am twenty-something and not, oh, six. I don’t want to be judged–all the kiddies can have the ribbons–I just want to dress up.
I have a pseudo-highwaywoman costume already. Mostly, it’s a very cool cloak and a toy sword. I find those are sufficient–everyone is so impressed by the cloak and sword they don’t even ask why I’m wearing sneakers and jeans. I could dress up in that, but… meh. I’ve done that several years running and I’m tired of it.
So I thought I’d pull the old horse collar out of the garage. It’d be hilarious to dress myself up as the horse and the horse as the farmer.
Well, “hilarious.” I’d laugh, anyway.
I think my half of the costume would be easy enough–a horse-head hat, a tail, some solid-colored clothes, the horse collar. It shouldn’t be too hard to fix a straw hat on the horse’s halter. The only thing I haven’t figured out is how to make it look like the horse is wearing overalls and/or a plaid shirt.
My first thought was to make some sort of thing that would go over the head/sit around the withers/neck with two long bits to go down the legs. I thought about loosely tying them around the legs to make them look more like pants, but after thinking about the horses I’m likely to be dressing up… bad idea. They’d be less than amused.
So if you have any ideas (or even pictures of others who have done this), let me know.
How do you dress a horse up as a person?