Declaration of the Pony/Human Relationship

22 September 2011 1 Comment

When in the course of pony/human relationships it becomes necessary for ponies to remind humans of the bonds which have connected us through the centuries and to highlight, in no uncertain terms, our place among the powers of the earth—the separate and superior station to which the Laws of Nature and our Own Awesome Ponytude entitles us—a deep-seated desire to ensure that the hands that feeds us continues to feed us requires that we should educate said humans as kindly and rationally as we could wish to be educated in our turn, were we of an inferior nature that requires education.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, or to be evident to ponies and learnable by humans: that all ponies are created superior, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Pasture, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Things to Eat, Torment, or Play With.—That to secure these rights, no Gate or Door that is created by Man may hold a pony without the consent of the pony—That whenever any form of Containment is placed upon a pony without consent, it is the Right of the Pony to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new boundaries around the property, marking the desired layout of the land with such methods that are most convenient, to include hoof marks in the turf, upturned buckets, and the raiding of feed and hay stores, or any other method as seems most likely to sate our Hunger and effect our Happiness.

The relationship between humans and ponies is understood to be long established and should not be changed for light or transient causes, because grass is good but grain is better; and accordingly all experience has shown that some compromise may be required of our patient and saintly nature, namely that we suffer the Children to ride us. But when a long train of inattentive or ineffective riders, pursuing invariably the same pattern in every ride, invokes in the pony a sense of boredom and sourness that cannot be suffered any longer, it is our right, it is our duty, to throw off such Children, and to provide character-building lessons for their future growth and progress.

In every stage of this Character Building we have structured our lessons in the most careful manner: each bite, kick, rear, buck, refusal, spin, bolt, or spook has been planned for the betterment of the human. A Child, whose character is Grown through such methods, may reach a state of Horsemanship in which they will be a fit and suitable Pony Jock and will be welcomed—not merely suffered—upon our noble backs.

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