Sponsor an Embryo

29 April 2011 4 Comments

Ro wants to be pregnant. You can tell from the way she hussies up to everything that moves and some things that don’t when she comes into season.

The geldings are perplexed and would like someone to save them, pls thanks.

But I… am realistic about my budget.

Fortunately, a friend has helped me see a way around my budget issues, and so I introduce to you my brand new “Sponsor an Embryo” program.

Your charitable (in a non-501-c-3 way) donation will be used to grant Ro her hormone’s desire, save the poor perplexed geldings, and keep my cats and I off the street at the same time. Three awesome benefits for one low monthly donation!

But wait—there’s more!

Ro’s would-be Baby Daddy has been hand-picked to enhance her natural strengths while improving on her few, hardly-worth-mentioning flaws. In the interest of full disclosure, I’d like to point out that being chestnut is not a flaw, so sponsors may not complain when the foal pops out chestnut (and it will, oh yes). This carefully selected breeding will result in a red-headed stick of dynamite, also known as my future competition mount.

Your contribution to the Embryo Project will not only solve all our immediate problems and bring peace to our little corner of the world, it will also support the future of Dressage As I Know It.

But wait! There’s more!

We recognize that this economy is tough on everyone. Pennies are tight. Happiness is slim.

So this project has been specially designed to allow you to contribute at a rate that is comfortable for you, while boosting your happiness and, according to something we read on the interwebz somewhere, also lowering your cholesterol. We offer three sponsorship levels so you can balance your budget against your health and make the right choice for you:

Warm Fuzzy Feelings Level

For only $10/month, we will send you monthly fat-mare photos from conception to the birth of the foal. Share in the joys of a rapidly expanding belly and other udderly-fascinating photo ops. After the foal’s birth, we’ll send you weekly foal photos. Warm fuzzy cuteness!

Karma Builder Level

For only $25/month, we will send you weekly fat-mare photos and a monthly video so you can waddle along with us on this, our maiden journey. After the foal’s birth, you can discover a whole new world with us via weekly photos and monthly videos! Your good deeds will surely earn you karma points!

Salvation of a Nation Level

Are you itching to do good at a level that would credit small nations? For only $100/month, you will have access to weekly photos and videos before and after birth—you’ll be so overwhelmed in warm, fuzzy cuteness and karma points that you’ll be able to share the love freely, saving yourself and those around you from bleak despair.

And as if that weren’t enough—

Any sponsor who makes an additional one-time, $100 donation will buy earn the right to suggest a name for the foal.

An additional $500 donation will ensure your initials are added after the foal’s name, no matter what name is chosen. Just think—a lifetime of competition with your initials being called out over the loudspeaker each time I enter the ring! Or, you know, your enemy’s initials, if you are afraid I’ll bungle things. Whatever.

And, finally, for the discerning sponsor, a special additional $1,000 donation will give you all the benefits of the other one-time donations plus 24/7 access to an online foaling camera so you can watch and call me when she goes into labor so I can get my beauty rest and witness the miracle of birth.

Act now! The sooner you sign on as a sponsor, the sooner this can become a reality for all of us!

Horses and Riding, Generally Horse Related

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