Stumbling Down Memory Lane
Names changed to protect the innocent. Or, in some cases, because I have no idea who I was talking to.
Joy: Why were you and Stacy arguing last night?
Me: Because she was line dancing too slowly.
Joy: Line dancing? But you weren’t playing any music to line dance to.
Me: So?
- - - - -
Joy: Ok… but then, why were you and Kelly hitting each other?
Me: We were boxing.
Joy: But I thought you were line dancing with Stacy?
Me: I was boxing too.
Joy: Before or after the line dancing?
Me: During. It seemed like the right thing to do.
- - - - -
Joy: So should I ask what you and Jean were doing?
Me: I was teaching her to do cart wheels.
Joy: I thought you didn’t know how to do cart wheels.
Me: What’s that got to do with anything?
- - - - -
Me: (to cashier) Actually, I don’t want this sewing machine. We were just taking it for a walk. It looked lonely sitting on the shelf by itself.
- - - - -
Me: (On a tour bus) Courtney, why are there all these people on this bus?
Courtney: Because their bus broke down.
Me: But they aren’t in our tour.
Courtney: We’re just dropping them off at their hotel.
Me: Oh. (pause) Does the driver know they are on this bus?
- - - - -
Allie: There’s no way you could walk a straight line.
Me: I could. I’m not that drunk.
Allie: Fine. Walk this line (points to a line in the kitchen tile pattern)
(Pause while I stand up and stumble over to the designated line, the watching of which caused the entire kitchen to break into laughter, causing me to laugh, leaving me clinging to the counter and trying not to fall down.)
Me: But (laughing) if (laughing) I weren’t (wheezing and laughing) laughing so much (gasping for breath) I could totally (laughing) walk a straight line. Really. (laughing, wheezing, and practically falling on my arse) Stop laughing! I could walk that line (falling down) if you would just stop laughing!
- - - - -
You probably had to be there.
PPP says 20 June 2006
You: Two-headed cardinal here.
Me: Yes, looks good.
Me: Save it.
Ahh. Good times.
