This passes for logic… somewhere
I once went on a trip to Canada to meet up with a friend. We went out and she took me to a club where they had drinks based on the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I remember ordering a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The next thing I remember, we were in our hotel room and a delivery guy was handing us some chips and lemons.
The next day, my friend had to explain that whole scene to me. Apparently, there was a whole industry where you could call people up and they’d go shopping for whatever you wanted. In our case, it was chips. And lemons. Neither of us were sure (and are still not sure) why we wanted the lemons, but I have made my peace with that particular mystery.
The mystery I still fail to comprehend: why can’t I call someone up in the U.S. and send them out for my groceries? How is it that we do not have this service?
They could make a fortune on PMSing women alone: “Hi, yes, I’d like to order some frozen chocolate chip cookie dough, some chocolate donuts, and a box of tampons. Throw in a bottle of white wine while you’re at it. Oh, and I’m out of dishwashing soap and kitty litter, so maybe pick up some of that too.”
Since we have no such service, I dragged myself to the store tonight and picked up a box of donuts. And then, since my desire to cook inversely proportionate to my stress levels—and my stress levels are very high right now—I stopped by the frozen food section to find something for dinner. I settled on some sort of Lean Cuisine thing, figuring the pseudo-healthy nature of that would counter-act the donuts.
That would probably be true, if I had actually eaten the Lean Cuisine thing and had a donut for desert. Instead, I’m eating the box of donuts for dinner and drinking beer for desert.
What? The holidays are almost upon us. I need to get my gastrointestinal tract in shape.
[The lack of coherency in this post may be explained away by the looming holidays. Or, more accurately, by what the looming holidays represent: end of quarter / end of year stress. In approximately one month all that will be over and I will be able to decompress. Until then, I think I may move to Canada. Being able to send people out to run my errands is almost certainly worth dealing with winter weather. I think.]
Jane says 10 December 2010
I so needed this laugh. FUNNY.
You can order online from our grocery store (Safeway) and they deliver. The catch: not until the next day. Messes with the immediacy of lemons and chips. Or if I am in unplanned chocolate detox.
I want to join your fitness program. Box O Donuts, liquid refreshments, and mouldering Lean Cuisines…did I land in heaven?