In Which I Become One of “Those” People
Last January, I went shopping for slacks so I’d look respectable while subbing, and to my horror only fit in size XX slacks. I’ve never been an XX slack size before, and for my height, XX is not a good size. It’s not an end-of-the-world bad size, mind, but it’s not good. I like to be unhealthy in moderation.
I bought the XX slacks, because it’s not like I could sub naked, but that was the start of the “I’m really getting of the regular Coke” non-diet plan. Which, you know, worked. I went from size XX to size XX-1, and that felt good. I was happy. I’m comfortable with size XX-1.
Today? I put on my XX-2 jeans, which have been sitting in my closet for much longer than I want to talk about. The XX-2 jeans fit. Not “fit,” in the “If I squeeze in my tummy and ignore the fact that my thighs look like overstuffed sausage rolls and everyone kindly ignores the way the crotch seam is attempting to do something unspeakable, I can zip these up and as long as I don’t move they fit!” sense. My XX-2 jeans actually fit. Even better: three people asked me if I’d lost weight when they saw me in them which, why yes, yes I have. Thank you for flattering my ego.
But (there’s always a but, isn’t there? Couldn’t I have left well enough alone?): my size XX slacks don’t fit. They don’t fit in the baggy butt kind of way that no belt can help. They don’t fit in the “It’s an emergency so I borrowed my cousin Edna’s slacks for this funeral and please excuse the way I look like I’m dressing up in my mother’s clothes” kind of way.
Garrump.
I know I wanted to lose weight and all, but I’m not sure it was worth having to go out and buy new slacks. I hate clothes shopping. Hate hate hate hatehatehate hate clothes shopping.
Can I gain enough weight before school starts to sort of compromise, do you think? Just enough to be back at size XX-1 and sort-of fit into the size XX slacks while being able to wear the size XX-2 jeans on “thin” days?
Oh. My. God. I’ve just become That Person. The one who has “thin days” and “fat days.”
I… But… Uh… <gaping mouth> <gaping mouth> <like a goldfish, gaping> <gape gape> <gape>
I don’t want to be That Person.
I’m ripping all the size labels out of my pants right now so I can never know which jeans I’m wearing and then I’m sending someone else out to go shopping for me, and they will rip all the size labels out of those pants and hopefully I can derail my That Person-ness before it gets ingrained.
Whew. Self-Intervention: It’s a good thing.
The Sugar Solution
Remember how I’ve switched to Diet Pepsi (of all things. Sigh. But Diet Coke tastes like tin.)? Remember how I now crave sugar more than I ever did before? Remember how my “diet” reached a stalemate because I kept making up all the missing Coke calories with ice cream calories?
No? Why not? Don’t you keep detailed notes on what’s going on in my life?
Anyway. I thought about the explanation offered by JSK: that the sugar taste makes my body expect sugar, and when it doesn’t get it from the soda, I crave it from other places.
A more disciplined person would realize this is the time to start cutting sodas out of my life altogether, diet or regular. However, I like my sodas and there are worse things to be addicted to. So.
Jello.
No, seriously. Not even the sugar-free jello, because that would have the same effect as diet soda. But: jello.
Low-sugar sugary goodness with a built-in waiting period while it sets. Which means that by the time it sets I crave it a little less than I did when I made it up.
Perfecto. I have fixed my sugar cravings AND managed to sort-of avoid messing up all the calorie-saving goodness that prompted me to switch to diet sodas in the first place.
I am a genious!
Now, go buy stock in Jello.
Why do I bother trying?
I switched to diet sodas, and now I crave snacks/candy/sweet stuff more than ever.
At first I thought it was just the calorie drop, since I was trying to be really careful and make sure I didn’t make up the lost calories in snacks.
But it’s been weeks now, and I still crave snacks all the fricken time. I mean All. The. Fricken. Time.
I finally had to stop buying snacks, more or less. Don’t get me wrong—I still buy junk food. But now I have to actually go to the store and get it, where before I usually had something on hand. It helps, although I thought it wouldn’t. But if I’m watching TV and want to snack, I’m not very likely to miss the show just to go buy chips. And if it’s 2 a.m. and I’m working on a site and get hungry… I’m also not likely to drag myself out of the house just for some candy. I mean, I’d have to get dressed. And let’s admit it: I’m a very lazy person.
I’m pretty sure I’ve lost weight in the last few months. Not a lot, but a little. I attribute that to the barn work more than anything, though. When all is said and done, I eat about the same as I did, except for the diet soda replacing regular. I’m actually fairly pleased with myself; I wasn’t sure if I could keep up the diet soda thing.
I just wish I didn’t crave snacks as much as I do. It doesn’t do any good to cut calories one way if my body’s going to try and trick me into getting them another way. After several weeks, I don’t think I can blame it on my body getting used to the slightly lower calorie intake. It’s like it’s just going to keep on going forever… Ugh.
It’s not like I’m trying to go on a diet. I hate diets; you never stick to them. I’m just trying to slowly change things around so I eat a little healthier and maybe wean myself off soda. But what do I replace the soda with? And don’t say water; I hate the taste of water. And yes, water does have taste; that’s how I know I hate it.
So why is the universe conspiring against me? Couldn’t the cravings ease up just a little? I mean, I’m trying here! Throw me a bone! Not dreams of cheese smothered crackers!
Not that I’m craving snacks right this minute, or anything. Oh, no. Not me. Not one bit.
I’m going to keep telling myself that. Don’t mind me.